MEANINGFUL SADNESS
wallowing in sadness
grasping for strength
asking for meaning
seeking the length
of every new challenge
that points to an end
hope leaves us wanting
we cannot pretend
grief is an answer
a way to let go
to starve the affliction
to live what you know
now you will take a chance
that your future is turned upside down
bringing your truth to the table
carry it across the room to us
we shiver watching you hold back your tears
the passion of grief
overtakes
insists on surrender
and in its grip
still and blind
offered hands bring comfort
BRAVE
can't call myself brave
for fighting alone
just a day at a time
must set my own tone
there's help when in need
yet it seems far away
so much to keep going
on every new day
can't make it a struggle
or look far ahead
that slows me from learning
and batters my head
overwhelmed is a constant
hard for others to see
just one step at a time
redefines the new me
diagnosed
and set afloat
fear and grief just over the horizon
reach out
because you need something to hold on to
hooray for the PSA
down in a hopeful way
one more achievement
to stall my bereavement
cheer up I am here to stay
ALL OF IT
hold me while I wail
my strength begins to fail
the hurt so hard to hide
and bottle up inside
my fate, my thanks, my loneliness
they all become profound
my slightest thoughts can crash
bring tears without a sound
it breaks me into pieces
I'm losing it, I'll say
give me time and I'll return
to fight another day
TEARS OF WHAT
on the edge of grief
waiting for my time to live
where is the start of this sobbing
what does it want from me
my body shudders with sadness
for every loss in sight
yet I remain in the grip
of questions with no answers
just a flash of hurt
will take me into my own depths
I relish the release
knowing I can let go
and drown in the swell of tears
when my quiet watcher
summons a timeout
again I wonder where to look
for the source of those salty rivers
and dread the consequence
if it is found
MENACE
cancer I see what a menace you are
you hurt when up close and you hurt from afar
you hide like a coward and threaten to kill
you back off from treatment but stay for the thrill
you cause all kinds of problems too many to count
you relish the pain and watch suffering mount
you try to destroy any spirit of hope
you summon despair on attempts made to cope
you have power and potency ready to burn
you are there and relentless on every turn
you take all you can any strength or resolve
you use what you steal to spread out and evolve
you leave just the challenge to stand up and fight
and wait for the day when your end is in sight
HAPPY PILL
give me a pill and the tears go away
level my mood for the rest of the day
so many things I have needed to say
now a solution that gives me a way
what if this change may not be the real me
build a dependence that's too hard to see
what will I do if my thoughts disappear
blur all the memories I'm holding so dear
surely a tradeoff that I must decide
risk what I treasure or stay home and hide
take a big chance and just give it a try
watch the result as my life passes by
UNHAPPY PILL
I keep it beside me
the power to pause
when sobbing comes close
just put hold on the cause
yet not without damage
this premature end
it buries a problem
in need of a mend
with luck I can fix it
when safe and alone
release what is owed
on a sorrowful loan
just my way of coping
with sadness and grief
a merciless challenge
to bring some relief
WHAT IT'S LIKE
living with the face of death
asking for help
finding solace in the corners
where no one else looks
never expecting to be here
in a place few understand
and impossible to explain
day after day
the same challenges reappear
always the worry they will get worse
options to choose from
little energy to seek them out
a relentless burden that flattens joy
and demands gratitude
fight or surrender
ridiculous choices
just a reminder of a beating heart
existing in a world called cope
STOP LYING TO ME
only so many times
you can pretend you're OK
when you're not
only so many times
you can say it doesn't hurt
when it does
take me with you where you need to go
we both need to know that place
RESISTANCE IS FUTILE
cancer transforms you
whether you like it or not
embrace the change
and you may discover a new part of you
become something you never dreamed of
attempt to remain who you were
will make you angry and bitter
unable to move forward
with hobbled coping skills
sadness and grief are unavoidable
try to make them your friends
to release your hurt
to endure your profound sense of loss
take this new ball
and run with it
in the best way you can
you often will need to remind yourself
to take it one day at a time
sometimes one hour at a time
the light at the end of the tunnel
may be dim
even invisible
reach out to anyone you can
it's a bear to ride it alone
LAST WORDS
never a word to the people you know
that you may not return here again
always a question with if at its start
changed now to an ominous when
a hard enough secret to keep to yourself
how to share it with quiet and grace
pretend it's a challenge that's under control
show a settled and grief hidden face
the pity will come as a cost of the tell
the sorrow hits hard every time
but hiding the truth will just injure a trust
you can no longer say you're just fine
a struggle expressed or a hurt brought in view
little choice in what's left to reveal
take a chance now with the time that remains
show your journey and all that you feel
THE PAIN
the pain that never goes away
the pain that ruins every day
the pain that never lets me hide
the pain that tears me up inside
the pain that drugs can barely touch
the pain that always hurts too much
the pain they say is one to ten
the pain that stops my life again
the pain that pushes me to tears
the pain that summons all my fears
the pain that threatens my control
the pain that always takes a toll
the pain is not a thought to quit
the pain is me and I am it
EASY WAY OUT
today was the day I got all of the news
the options for treatment from which I could choose
of course as expected they came with a catch
a time frame for ending my life with dispatch
at first I was sad my demise was so near
a silver lined cloud then began to appear
I now knew my fate and could start counting days
and shed my unease of an old aging haze
the how and the when were now mine to expect
a path toward the end was in view to select
no guessing what future was waiting ahead
configure a plan and accept it instead
my life was so rich I can hardly believe
now at peace and content I can gracefully leave
RESTING PLACE
it's payback to the friends
who never call or write
no easy way to say I'm lost
I've dug a grave for spite
you think of me and say nice things
oh such a loss he's gone
well not exactly is the truth
my resting place lives on
below the ground I may be bones
on top a stone awaits
to read and sigh
yes please get high
for he who meditates
so make the trip
bring all your kids
be reverent as you tread
I made this spot for all to see
live well for I am dead
zenromance.net
